What's meant to be will find a way...: 2015

Tuesday 15 December 2015

you still haunt my dreams...

Ive had two dreams with him in recently, and both times he has been the one who has wanted to rekindle what we once had. I have been confused each time, I have not known how to handle it but in the end I always cave in and we end up embracing in that oh so familiar way. I wake up not feeling sad, I rarely get upset by him now which is good, but I just get confused. Why is my mind doing this to me, why must I have to go through something like this in a time when I should be looking forward to new people and new faces for me to get to know. My mind sure knows how to mess with me when I think everything is going okay.

Friday 4 December 2015

deception...

I dreamed a dream...

...and he came back into my life via a dream. I thought I had got over these dreams by now but last night for no reason at all he crept back. I have no idea why because I have not even thought about him for a while now, I have not stalked ha I have not looked at a photo so it was my mind just knowing how to mess itself up.

The dream basically was him messaging me normal and then saying he loved me, and then went on to say so many other things, I cannot remember what exactly now, however he was explaining everything that went wrong and how much has changed and we are better people now. I was gobsmacked, I did not know what to say, but I knew I was moving on because my reply to him wanted to be to try again but I actually was going for the why now....why so late...I cannot deal with this now...I am moving on. So I am happy with myself that although my mind conjured up something that will never happen but I wanted for so long, and yet I still decided I did not want it when it actually happened. But I have now spent the majority of today thinking of him, soooo I guess I will never win when it comes to him and my feelings.

Sunday 22 November 2015

why does it never seem to work...

Moving on and meeting new people is harder than you think. I think I invest too much interest too quick even if I haven't even met the person....am I doing this because I actually like them or am I craving for someone to take an interest in me, for someone to talk to and tell my day to. The feeling of loneliness just creeps on up and I don't know how to get over it, and guess who creeps back into my mind, yes he does. Things are not going well

Friday 13 November 2015

a problem shared...

its happening...

I can look at photos and no longer feel sadness but happiness and joy, I can look and think how lucky I was to have experienced such times with him and his son, and for him to be the one to teach me how it feels to be loved and love someone back. I am thankful for him in more ways than I could say