in breaking me you gave me knowledge...

Even though it hurts and I have lost something I thought I never would, I have gained so much in experience and knowledge, I guess that is a silver lining

this is more true than I know...

he remains...

i always relate to the words...

missing you is a part of me...

you still haunt my dreams...

Ive had two dreams with him in recently, and both times he has been the one who has wanted to rekindle what we once had. I have been confused each time, I have not known how to handle it but in the end I always cave in and we end up embracing in that oh so familiar way. I wake up not feeling sad, I rarely get upset by him now which is good, but I just get confused. Why is my mind doing this to me, why must I have to go through something like this in a time when I should be looking forward to new people and new faces for me to get to know. My mind sure knows how to mess with me when I think everything is going okay.

best to get it out now while I can...

confused yet aware of every little feeling...

future hopes...

deception...

I dreamed a dream...

...and he came back into my life via a dream. I thought I had got over these dreams by now but last night for no reason at all he crept back. I have no idea why because I have not even thought about him for a while now, I have not stalked ha I have not looked at a photo so it was my mind just knowing how to mess itself up. 

The dream basically was him messaging me normal and then saying he loved me, and then went on to say so many other things, I cannot remember what exactly now, however he was explaining everything that went wrong and how much has changed and we are better people now. I was gobsmacked, I did not know what to say, but I knew I was moving on because my reply to him wanted to be to try again but I actually was going for the why now....why so late...I cannot deal with this now...I am moving on. So I am happy with myself that although my mind conjured up something that will never happen but I wanted for so long, and yet I still decided I did not want it when it actually happened. But I have now spent the majority of today thinking of him, soooo I guess I will never win when it comes to him and my feelings.