advice to those who seek it...

today I revisit the past...

I am battling my emotions right now as I am looking after my friends house and the last time I did this, he was with me. It was around Halloween and he was working but he left me a carved pumpkin on the roof of my car outside her house, it was carved with I LOVE YOU. It was amazing. So sitting here now I just think of the time we spent together here, how he kept me company and stayed here when he was working rather than going back to his own house. I have tried so hard today to distract myself and not get upset and so far I have done okay, the thoughts are there however I am trying to be strong and not keep dwelling on this, something which my brain seems to enjoy. I have resisted texting him, as much as I want to (any excuse) to tell him where I am and remember this and remember that etc. But that is not what he wants to hear, like what if he is with someone and I send him that. It will not be well received and he will just think why is she doing this. Hmmmm I will get through this and I will not text him, I will just sit and remember the good times I got to spend with him here. If only I could guarantee these memories will never go or fade away.

me and you...

update...

I have not posted in a while as I have been busy, however I also feel it is because I do not quite know how I feel anymore. I am glad my period of sadness has gone, I am glad I did not send that letter to him, however this does not mean that I will never send it as I feel it will be have to be one day in order for me to fully move on. Whilst my thoughts are okay with it all though I will save myself the stress of sending him it. He still plagues my every thought but I have learnt how to accept these thoughts now, that he will always be a big part of my life and I should feel happy that I still think of him because he obviously meant that much to me. One day I do hope that I will be able to move on completely but for now I am satisfied just being a girl with thoughts of the past. I do still wonder if he thinks of me and if he ever wants to contact me and arrange a meeting like I do, but then again if he did I suppose he would have done it already. I guess we will just have to wait and see where this road takes me....

wait...