After meeting him I threw myself into sadness for a few days. I couldn't help it, I actually cried that evening, the first in a long time. I cried not just a small stream of tears but it was one of them times where you cry and you can't help but make noise, when your stomach just knots and you don't know what to do apart from scream almost with pain, physically and emotionally. It has been 3 days now and I am starting to feel on the up again, he is still the main thought in my head but once again I am back to trying to ignore that and just get on with my life. I have read countless things online about other people's break up stories and it does surprising help, it's good to see how they progressed and learned to be whole again, to love again and be loved. I count the days till I can feel whole again, have my faith restored in my own life that everything will be okay, and meet someone who I can share all my highs and lows with. He will probably still sit at the back of my mind, surfacing every now and again to make me aware that he still exists. But I hope by then I am strong enough to push them thoughts back down, and know that he had one chapter of my story but he chose not to make it through the rest of the book.
I don't know exactly what I am to write in this post I just felt a need to, I really do feel it is helping me to gather my thoughts and make sense of them. Rather than just ignoring them and punishing myself by having them swim around over and over, by writing it out I can sort through them and realise where I am going wrong or which direction I should be thinking in.
Yes I miss him, yes I still love him with all my heart, but I am slowly learning the importance of moving on.
x
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