the big goodbye, for today anyway...

I am not completely ready to say goodbye, I know I am still hanging on to every little bit I have of you left. Like a child with a teddy they have had since they were born, its old now and tatty and its leg has fallen off but you still hold it close and breathe in it familiar scent, it just brings you comfort. Well I will always have in my heart and I know if I see him it will still make my heart do a thousand back flips and I will go weak at the knees, but I have a collection of words that I found and I need to put them down. I need to do this because otherwise when I look back at this blog, years down the line, I will probably question my sanity. How did I cope for so long feeling the way I did. So this is my way of reverse psychology on myself, crazy idea huh? ha. I am hoping by putting this I will see it and think, I can move on, I can be happy again, he was a great chapter in my life but he obviously was not the book. Yes it pains me to say goodbye and yes it pains me to think like this but I have to one day right? So these are my messages to him, the ones that I don't want to post but have to. I love him and I know I always will but does the love change after a while?