as time moves on so do i...

I have not had chance to come on here which is why this blog is now falling behind with my life. I am taking it as a good sign though, that I am obviously doing good, that I am finally moving on and he is nothing but a memory now. I do still think of him but the thoughts do not bother me any more, he has even creeped into my dreams but unlike before when I would wake up upset, I just wake up and feel confused as to why my brain chose to throw that in there. I am happy now, I am still single and I still have no interests, so at time I do get lonely and think about what was. But he is happy, he is doing good with his life and I am happy for him. I hope he has learnt from his past and can make the most of his future with who he is with now. I do have a slight bit of jealousy towards her, why could it not have been me but fate must have something else in store for me so I should look forward to the future and not live in the past.
I went to a psychic a few days ago who said I had two great loves in my past, two people who I had the strongest feelings for. But he also said there is someone else coming and that it will be a very serious relationship. I look forward to starting a new adventure.
My only main issue at the moment is anxiety and panic attacks, I am struggling with them so much in my day to day life. I feel like I have been strong for too long and now it is all catching up with me. I must admit this is when I do miss him, as sometimes I just want someone to hold, someone who cares and wants to help me. I just want a hug, a hug off him or someone who cares as much as he did. I want to break down and cry sometimes but feel like I cannot, and I have a horrid feeling inside of me which I struggle to get rid of. I have sought help, I need it, I am not finding pleasure in things I used to do because I am so worried and stressed about having a panic attack. I know I can get through this, I thought it was the end of the world when he broke up with me. I did not see any future for myself, I just saw heartbreak and sadness. So if I could pull myself through that then I am sure I can find the strength to get myself through this. I have to do things for me now, I have to look after myself. I have to be selfish and take my own thoughts and feelings into account. No one is worth getting myself stressed over. I feel him breaking up with me the same year I had a miscarriage and cancerous cells found in my cervix had just been bottled up, all them feelings all them emotions I have buried deep within. My body cannot handle any of that anymore, it cannot keep them stored and they must be rearing their ugly head in the form of panic and anxiety. I will get through this, I must.