I hate that I still cry...

I can't sleep. I cannot for the life of me get him off my mind, and you know what...all I want to do is cry right now. I have shed one single tear and honestly I am angry at myself for doing so. I do not know what it is but tonight all I can think of is him, of everything that we were and what happened, both the good and bad. I hate how he still has this power over me, granted it is power I have created, he has not spoken to me for months now and I have not seen him so it is purely my own mind creating all this. And it kills me, why can't I move on, why am I here, a year later still thinking of him before I go to sleep? Still wishing he is lying next to me right this moment. Why can't I picture my life with anybody else but him? I am trying my hardest not to think all these thoughts but it is so much easier to say than it is to do. I torture myself but I don't know how to stop. Am I subconsciously punishing myself for everything going so wrong? What is he doing now? Does he still think of me? Does he have a little art of his mind that thinks we may one day have a chance of getting back together? Right now, I am a mess. I have to be up for work in 4 hours so I wish I could just fall asleep and wake up tomorrow feeling much more positive and happier about everything. Even though I am going through some big changes in my life which should mean I am happier, it just makes me think of him more. I do not know where I going to go from here....it honestly feels never ending.