I'm pathetic...

I feel like I am always repeating myself when I write this so I do apologise. The thing is, I am at it again, I am dreaming of him, dreams where we meet up and either he ignores me and is with someone else or where we kiss and all the feelings come flooding back.

It has been nearly 2 years! 2 years!

Why am I not like everyone else. Why can't I shut him out and be able to move on. Does my heart enjoy tormenting itself that much that it is just going to carry on with this forever. Or if you like to think in the more magical ways, is it my heart trying to tell me something and I should not ignore it. Yes I am a girl and therefore I over think everything and anything, but how can I ignore something that is forever in my head. I have spent everyday thinking of him, I have tried not to cry, I have tried to think of other things but he always manages to creep back in. What am I supposed to do about it? I am permanently wondering what he might be doing and how he is. I see things and I just want to tell him about it. I am glad the urge to text him has gone, and that is purely because I know I get more hurt by texting him than if I just torture myself, at least then I have some control. If someone could read my head and my thoughts they would think I was just starting out with him, that me and him were fresh and had all our adventures ahead of us. However this is not the case, I am just trapped under his spell and I refuse to try and break free. I love him but why do I have to be reminded of something that will never be every single day. Life is not like the movies, you don't just break up with someone and a few months later a new knight in shining armour shows up to whisk you away to happily ever after. Poets did not write about that, they wrote about how love torments you, how having your heartbroken is like torture and living with unrequited love. You know why I also hate myself, because after all this time I am still hanging on to hope. Hope, that 4 letter word that just brings with it so much misery. Yes, I am hoping we are going to bump into each other and be able to rekindle what we had, I am an idiot. All these quotes I post and yet I clearly don't take my own advice, if he wanted to speak to me he would, I need to ingrain that into my head, Otherwise I am just going to make myself look like a pathetic fool.