old times...

Now I know why I always want to fall asleep early, why I choose sleep over most other things. It is to stop myself from feeling low and from letting my mind go crazy in its own madness. Instead I get to dream away and live my life however my brain decides. For tonight though I have been looking at old photos on facebook, and when I see ones that he has commented on I cannot help but feel a bit of pain in my heart. I do not cry, which is a plus, but I do feel some sadness towards it all and I know if I did not stop myself I probably would have gone back to reading all his old messages (which I still have) and then probably moved on to the letter I never sent but feel one day I will. Alas, I have not, I have resisted and tried to distract myself otherwise, but I still have the niggling feeling in me that I am missing something, missing an emotion or a feeling, almost feeling anxious, and I know there is no other explanation but my own self torture of looking at my life back when I was with him. I know now these feelings will probably never leave me, it is just learning how to control them so they do not manage to take over my whole mind. I am a work in progress, a slow slow journey I am on but I know one day I will get there.