be sure...

He acknowledged the sending of my email, and just seeing his name pop up on my phone sent me in shock, like I began shaking and felt so cold. The effect he has on me is so strange, it is so so strong after all this time and I guess it is because the feelings I hold for him are still equally as strong. The fact that he acknowledged and said he would reply when he had time was more than I could have asked for, I did not expect a reply, I expected him to read it and just get angry, delete it and be annoyed that I had thrown this on his plate. It has sent my mind in a frenzy today knowing that I will receive a reply, waiting on the message that tells me thank you for my thoughts but it is not going to happen. But I have kept busy and distracted myself and I am happier now, I know I have sent it and he has read it. I know I have nothing else to say, the big 'what if' weight can be lifted off my shoulders and I know where I stand, and how I can go about moving on. I have put this off for 6 months and I felt no better for not sending it to him. So if anyone is considering sending their ex a message, I would say make sure you are ready for no response or a response which could send you back down a spiral. Be sure that you want this, and you know it will make you feel better in the long run. Take the chance, be brave and just pour your heart out. You can't regret being honest, how that person replies is up to them, but least you will know from then on that you did all you could do, you fought until your very last breath.