I did it...

I sent the letter, I had changed it a bit but I finally sent it. I have chosen to be selfish for my own sanity and right now my heart pounds faster than a race horse, but you know what, I think it will be worth it. I have said it now, there is nothing else I can do, no more sitting around thinking what if, I have emptied my heart of words to him and now there is nothing more I can do. Maybe I will be able to finally move on and be at peace. I do not envy him having to read the letter, no one would have a joyful time to receive and read that, especially since I know he is with someone. That is one reason I did not want to send it him, who am I to mess with his head and throw a confession on to his plate. But you know what, sometimes you have to be selfish, sometimes you have to do what is best for you despite what everybody else says. Do I hope he replies? In some ways yes, as it would be an acknowledgement of me pouring my heart out. At the same time I do not want him to, seing his email address pop up and having that sickening feeling of having to open it, I don't think I have quite prepared myself for that. Either way I know the end result, my heart hopes for the positive but I know what will come, I am just glad that I have now said everything. My heart is done with that story, it now, after 2 whole years, can finally catch up with the letting go process. And I hope someday soon I am able to find someone else who will make me forget all the love I hold for him.