dreams of him...

For some reason my mind thinks it is a good idea to torture my hear on a regular basis, isn't the mind supposed to be the clever one telling me rational thoughts. Well I dreamt of him last night, he was still in a relationship, and I think she might have even been pregnant. Yet I met up with him and although I tried to resist the temptation I gave in to the flirty ways and he even kissed me, but just to go back to her after. The thing is this is almost a reoccurring dream, each time I dream of him I try to not show him how much I want him and yet by the end I cant resist. But this morning I have woken up and I am so annoyed at how my mind has decided to throw that in, I don't need it, I don't need to wake up thinking 'wow I had him back again for a moment' just to realise that a. it was a dream and b. he was still with his girlfriend anyway even in the dream so that hurts. Why am I still thinking of him so much, this is not normal.

Also I had my cards read the a few weeks ago with a psychic, and she read my cards the exact way I had them read 3 years ago with another psychic, a.k.a I was with him in them. This new one did not tell me I would meet someone new she just went on as if me and him were together and will be together for a while, as she spoke about marriage and kids with him. It was so strange to hear because a. it was like I had stepped back in time, b. she was so wrong c. was she reading my thoughts and that is where my thoughts are at at this moment in time. I have no idea, but why am I not meeting someone new, am I fated to get back with him, who knows and only time will tell but it sure did confuse me. Perhaps that is why my brain is creating all these magical scenarios up in my dreams because subconsciously I am thinking about it all and wondering if any of it will be true. Either way I have now woken up in a sort of rubbish mood, I can still see his face as it was in my dream, I can still feel his touch. I cannot wait until that disappears among the normal runnings of my day, it breaks my heart to relive them when they are not real.