Im doing better, at least I feel better, as the days go by I am less bitter about breaking up, I am getting used to calling you my ex and not trying to say boyfriend and getting upset. I still think of you and nearly everything reminds me of you, so I do miss you alot but honestly now it all just feels like a dream, a weird dream that I can’t quite figure out if it happened or not. I miss you now like you miss friends and family whilst away for months at a time, rather than I can’t breathe or function without you. I didn’t think I would ever start feeling better but time obviously does heal.
I want to say thank you for not texting me when I asked you to give me some space, I really do appreciate that, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t picked up my phone on a regular basis wishing there was a message from you on it, I still do that. But I have managed to write this without crying which is another milestone, I haven’t cried for a few days now which I am proud of. I think I am just beginning to appreciate what we had and what we learnt rather than solely focusing on what and when it went wrong. I am alot more positive about it all now. Yes there are demons at the back of my head that keep trying to force thoughts on me to make me upset and start dwelling and regretting and apologising, but I am finding the strength now to hold them back. A month ago I wouldn’t of imagined I would ever be okay now, I thought the ground may as well swallow me whole cause I was never going to get over the pain all this has caused. Im still broken and I still love you with all my heart but I am more accepting now and ready to start moving on.
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